I Identify as a Sloth!

Shortly after my heart attack my doctor told me not to travel anywhere and to physically not over-do-it. He wanted me to start walking and to start off slow, gradually work my way up to longer distances and eventually add bigger challenges. He had scheduled a stress test later that quarter.

As it turns out, I'm not a very patient guy and I went ahead and booked a flight from Toronto to Georgia to attend a personal growth event. I did not tell my doctor this. I booked it just over four weeks from the date of my heart attack. Not a very smart thing to do, as I was told later. As it was, I felt I needed to get away and I was slipping into a depression. I was feeling less then deserving and worthy of anything. I needed out from my usual life. Having said this, much to my delight, when I arrived in Georgia, I realized there was a physical component to the event, and I love challenges, so I thought that was great!

Here's the thing! The challenge was to climb 50 feet to a platform in a tree, climb onto this 3x3 platform, somehow stand up without falling, and then leap to a trapeze about 6 feet away! All while dangling 50 feet above the ground. It sounds easy, I know, but when you had a heart attack 6 weeks prior, dizzy from medication, about 80lbs overweight, it's not so easy.

I also didn't tell anyone my situation, including the staff at the event. I do seem to remember a waiver or disclosure of some sort, but I can't be sure.

So, looking up at this tree I figured at this point my goal was to just see if I could climb the bloody tree. I didn't even consider the camp's objective of getting to the top and leaping to the trapeze then being lowered to the ground by a safety harness. Now, in my group there were these young fella's, brothers and all-around good kids in there early to mid 20's. They clamored up the tree, in competition with one another in less than a few minutes. Good for them I said!

So, as I got closer to the tree, I see these ring-like rungs approximately half inch in diameter and only about 2 inches in width and sticking out about 3 inches from the tree trunk. Now, anyone who has met me knows I'm a 6 foot 2 big goofy Scottish Italian Canadian with feet and hands like a Stone Mason. I thought, "my God man, how the 'HELL' am I going to do this?" So, like a two clawed sloth climbing ever so slowly from branch to branch I managed to get my big "ASS" feet on these rungs, and I used my index and middle fingers to hook into these rings and I managed, keeping my focus on each step, to climb one rung very slowly at a time.

I use the term 'Sloth' because, one of the two young brothers, after witnessing me for what seemed like an eternity of climbing, told me that "I was climbing the tree like a Sloth would" laughing all the while and telling me this with great enthusiasm, mimicking me by shaping his two fingers like a sloth’s claws and walking around like an ape! Brilliant!

Here's the thing, I learned a valuable lesson I'll never forget that day!

I was a broken person when I arrived. I had gone through some major adversity over the previous few years which led to my heart attack, and other serious losses in my life. I blew up to 320+lbs and I was deeply depressed. I arrived at the tree with the attitude of I either climb or die trying. I don't think I realized until writing this that I didn't care if I died. That's how bad it was. Indifference is not a good thing.

I realized I was living a paradox! I believe when we are in a state of confusion and depression in our lives, we default to this state of Paradox before either deciding to make positive changes or submitting to defeat! We live in this duplicitous life. I wanted to conquer this tree, but I also wanted to run away never to be found. No more a burden to anyone.

In that moment when I started to climb the tree, I decided that I would focus on the moment, taking a step up to the next rung, and have my hands, supporting and following suit. That's all I thought about. I was exhausted, sweating, and panting heavily. A couple of times I wanted to quit but I didn't. I told myself just do a couple more. Before I knew it, I had reached the bottom of the platform. So I adjusted to the new circumstance and decided that since I was at the bottom of the platform I might as well see if I could get to the top. Ever so slowly I managed to get on top of this platform.

Now, at this point I was totally spent. I was lying diagonally on my belly, across the platform, with my legs dangling off one side and my head, looking down at everyone at the other side, swaying loosely over the side with my arms flopping and hanging down. My heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest. I remember revealing to my group that "not bad for a guy who just had a heart attack 6 weeks ago, eh!" (I included the eh! since I am Canadian, of course) I could see on everyone's face the shock and awe. Then a couple of cheers and a clap or two. I decided to stand up, slowly, turn around and go for the trapeze!

When I was in this situation, I realized something. I may be in a paradox, but because of my competitive spirit and the fact that I was not going down without a fight, damn it I was going to try for that trapeze. If I don't get it, then I won't regret not trying.

I realized something later. My mindset had switched. I was proud of my accomplishment. I was at the top and about to get the gold. My goal was to just see if I could climb the tree. Take it slowly and be in the moment. When I did that, I decided to go to the platform, then the trapeze.

Here's the lesson I promised. Many people are in or have been in states of depression. They have been under duress; been faced with a crisis and feel they are at their end. Others, are simply stuck - struggling, not knowing what is stopping them from taking action. I realized that the paradox I was in was revealing who I was as a human being at my base form. One side wanted to FIGHT; the other side wanted to take the rest of my life off. By stepping out of my comfort level, I flew to Georgia, met new people, without realizing I changed my perspective, regained my competitive nature and the physical demands helped bring me to a point where I fought my way to a better place.

Goals are important, but what is more important is the journey you take to get to your goal. My original goal was to climb the tree. Once I hit it, I had more in me to give, even though physically I was done. The power of your mind is unquestionably the most powerful thing you have. Then I just went higher and higher.

Goals are important and they shouldn't change. The plan to get to the goals can change and be adjusted as you go. You adapt and improvise to get to the goal. That's where your journey takes place. That's where your perspective changes, and you experience a new level of awareness.

Oh, and I did jump to catch the trapeze! But I couldn't hang on and I fell. My sweaty palms and lack of hand mobility could not support the weight! Like humpty dumpty, down I went! BUT, unlike humpty, I put myself back together again. I've lost 70lbs with eating healthy, lifting weights and walking and I'm almost back to a normal weight again!

About the Author:

"I had a heart attack at 54, my marriage ended after 33 years, I put down my 2 German Shepherds, closed my business and then got fired from two jobs, sold my 10-acre farm, I moved into a rental, I gained 80lbs in less than 6-months, developed other health problems such as depression, anxiety and zero confidence. I went through all this in one year. I was a mess. I was ready to die…give up…cash in!" --Greg De Marco

I'm still here! Want to know how I did it?

All you need to do is ask?